Celebrating Gram

Over the years, I've written a lot of things for a lot of reasons. This week, I wrote my first eulogy, which I delivered today at my grandmother's funeral. Surprisingly, it wasn't that difficult to write because she lived a full life with lots of depth. I do find it strange, however, to take on a more official ministerial role within my family. Today was a long day, but a good day. It was a day of celebration for Bettie Tinnin Dean.

What follows is my eulogy for Gram. Gram, you will be missed.

If you knew Bettie Dean, who I always knew as Gram, you’ve probably seen one of these books.

This is a word search puzzle book. Gram, especially in the last few years, loved word search puzzles. On each page of the book is a jumbled collection of random letters. The goal with these puzzles is to study the group of letters and to search for words. As you look at these letters, patterns begin to emerge.

In many ways, our lives are like that. When you look back over someone’s life, the first thing you see is a jumbled collection of letters—relationships, jobs, meals, vacations, and everything else we spend our time doing. The more you look, however, the more patterns begin to emerge from that group of life’s letters.

What I want to do today, as we remember and honor the life of Gram, Bettie Tinnin Dean, is to circle some of the words you might find in a word search about her life. As I go, you may think of your own words to describe her. These words lead to stories and memories and a legacy.

As you look through the word search of Gram, you’ll see the words “travel,” “crochet,” “Hallmark,” “read,” “shopping,” and “crafts.” But you’ll also see some words that remind us of the kind of person Gram was.

One of the first words I see, right across the top row, is “Consistent.” When a commitment was made, you could count on her to follow through. Whether it was her standing weekly appointment at the beauty salon or her regular rotation of restaurants or her stash of very specific candies, she was consistent through and through. Her consistency was built on her ability to be organized. Everything has a place. If you went into her house and moved something, even just a matter of inches, she would know. She had a way of keeping records and ledgers of times and dates and money like no one else. When our family was sharing stories, one was told about a time the IRS called and they were going to audit the family. Now, most typical people start to stress out, get worried, break into a sweat, but not Gram. The auditor shows up, Gram hands him her box of consistently updated and meticulously kept financial records, and after just a couple minutes of looking through her box the auditor says, “You don’t need an audit,” and leaves. Most people are thrilled to just pass an audit. Gram got a pat on the back and a compliment. Without a doubt, Gram was consistent.

Coming down off the word consistent in our word search is “Educated.” Gram earned a high school degree, but then went on and did something many women didn’t do in those days—she received a degree from the American Banking Institute. She worked for Durham Industrial Bank, served as Town Clerk for the city of Marshville, NC, and held other similar positions throughout the years. In fact, when she first met her eventual husband Carl at a banking conference, she had a better job than he did! We all meet a lot of educated people in our day to day lives, but something that set Gram apart was her desire to use this education and her gifts for the church. Consistently, there’s that word again, she worked as church treasurer or helped with the offering or organized the church’s financial ledgers. Her education wasn’t just something for her; it was something to be shared. It was a gift for the churches that she loved.

Down at the bottom of our puzzle, going backwards and diagonally, is the word “Strong.” When words are hard to find in a word search, they’re often important ones. Behind a humble, often quiet front, Gram was a strong person. She was tall compared to most ladies, and that became something of a measuring stick for her as her physical body began to shrink in later years and her grandkids all grew taller and taller. Beyond the physical side, Gram was strong inside. When her husband was sick and in and out of the hospital, she took care of him and their family through it all. Later, after her car was hit by a drunk driver in 1988, Gram lived the rest of her life in constant pain. Pain that was made worse by joint problems, surgeries, and accidents. Despite all that, she rarely complained and never wanted her physical limitations to impact those around her. Gram’s strength created a humility that allowed others to take center stage because her life and personal worth was built on more than just the approval of others. Even though she never made a big deal out of it, Gram was strong.

A big pattern that emerges in the word search of Gram’s life is centered around the word “Family.” If you keep looking, you’ll also find “daughter,” “wife,” “mother,” “grandmother.” Family was the center of the world for Gram. Two months before their first daughter Carla was born, Gram quit her career to keep family as the first priority. Later, when their kids got older, she went back to work because it was important to her to give her family the things she never had. A month before the birth of their first grandchild, Gram retired to make sure she was available for the needs of her family. Even up to her last days, she would tell stories about her grandkids. Sometimes, she would even tell me stories about myself while we talked on the phone. Usually, these stories centered on her grandson Jake, who was very intentional with his visits, especially after our grandfather died. I heard all about Jake’s golf career. I heard all about Mack’s work in college. I heard all about Sam’s animals. I heard all about Amanda’s travels. Gram loved her family, and she wanted everyone to know.

There are many other words in this word search about Gram, but the last one I will circle for you is the word “Faithful.” She was a faithful church attender from the time she was 12. Even after she reached the point where getting out was too difficult, she would watch the Methodist church on TV every Sunday. She taught 1^st grade Sunday School for decades and later moved into a teaching role with an adult women’s class. When I would visit Gram’s house, I would often sleep on the couch in the living room, which meant I was awake once Gram was awake and I would get to see her read her Bible every morning. If you were to listen closely, at night before she fell asleep, she would pray out loud from her bed.

It’s within her faith that all these words and more about Gram come together. She was consistent in her church attendance and expressions of faith. She was an educated Bible study leader and used her gifts in organization and finances to serve the church. She was strong enough to admit she needed God, especially when life presented obstacles. Her love for family extended to those in her church family. And she has been faithful through the journey.

At the end of her life, when she was in great pain, she could be heard repeating the phrase, “Help me, Jesus. Help me, Jesus.” That was more than a cry for pain relief; that was a cry for a savior. Gram was able to let go when she needed to because of the trust and faith she had in God, who would welcome her into the fold of eternal life.

Lives are more than a jumble of letters. Lives have patterns where important words emerge—words that highlight meaning. Gram’s life was more than a jumble of letters. Gram’s life was consistent, educated, strong, about family, and about being faithful to a savior.

If the word search of Gram had a subtitle, perhaps it would be this verse which she identified as one of her favorites:

Romans 8:38-39, “For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor rulers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.”